feEL gOod sOng of tHe mOment

Bubbly - Colbie Caillat

Will you count me in?

I've been awake for a while now
You've got me feeling like a child now
'Cause every time I see your bubbly face
I get the tinglies in a silly place

It starts in my toes and I crinkle my nose
Where ever it goes I always know
That you make me smile
please stay for a while now
Just take your time where ever you go

The rain is falling on my window pane
But we are hiding in a safer place
Under cover staying safe and warm
You give me feelings that I adore

They start in my toes make me crinkle my nose
Where ever it goes I always know
That you make me smile
Please stay for awhile now
Just take your time wherever you go

But what am I gonna say
When you make me feel this way
I just…mmmmmmmm

It starts in my toes makes me crinkle my nose
Where ever it goes I always know
That you make me smile
Please stay for awhile now
Just take your time
Where ever you go

Duh duh duh duh duh da duh duh duh duh dum
Bom bo da da da da da bom
Mmm mmm

I've been a sleep for awhile now
You tuck me in just like a child now
'Cause every time you hold me in your arms
I'm comfortable enough to feel your warmth

It starts in my soul and I lose all control
When you kiss my nose the feeling shows
'Cause you make me smile
Baby just take your time
now holding me tight

Wherever, wherever, wherever you go
wherever, wherever, wherever you go

Oh wherever you go I always know
You make me smile just for a while 

coming soon on the V-V site :)

yan muna sa ngayon.. super busy pa..

it’s B-Day toDay! vERy sAd!

Some muscleguy sent me a so sad email:

Hey,

May concert si Beyonce tonight…  guess what?  kitang kita from Net2…  and katabi ng Fitness First. so mag woworkout na lang while listening to her.. "to the left to the left"   
 

Nakakainis! Sana magconcert din sha dito.. tsaka sana mura.. para makabili ako! I wanna watch!

what eLse did i get this wEek?

BIKE! 

NFF has to fly home to Pinas so he left me his bike while he's away for some unknown months or so. Ang saya! Supah Thanks NFF!

Always looking on the bright side.. I don't have to feel sad everyday. I can go around. Go anywhere I want. Just like what I said before, on my first bicycle ride here in Japan - the feeling of the cold wind on your hair can be a beautiful bliss sometimes.

I'm an official Nakahara Lakwatsera now.

my MAC is ggggay!

a nOtE to sELf

Having a new mac, a new (cheap) phone, a new (another cheap one) trenchcoat, and a pretty face (hehehe) doesn't make me rich. Or even close to being rich. You know, most people, when they know that you're abroad for a long time, you're makin lots of moolah! Partly I do, but sad to say, there are a whole lot of BUTS.

Yesterday, I got the courage to borrow money from my ever reliable family here, ate sally. Yup, half of the money I used to buy macy was from her. My mother still owes her some money (a lot of money). That's why it's harder for me to borrow. I won't expect that my mom would be able to pay her at this time, so I kinda volunteered to pay for my mom as well. My mom and I exchanged texts, and she's cool about it. Just then, when we were able to buy the mac, at the cheapest price (109000 jpy = 42000 php). I texted mom saying that ate sally lent me some moolah, I'm so happy got a new mac. She replied like this, "just pay her little by little blah blah blah," the last sentence was like, "remember, youve got 2 bros in college, matindi baon, tuition pa!"

At that moment I felt I heard myself cry in silence, "oh boy! here comes pressure again!" Since I got my first ever paycheck (3+ years ago), I felt sad about having to give something to the family. I felt sad about being obliged to contribute. I felt sad about the million debts (literally), the jutangs and all other financial crisis my family's dealing with now. I felt sad I felt sad. I felt sad all the time! I envy my other colleagues, who have no other worries but just themselves, who have all the chance to save for their future, or buy whatever they want, without the horrible feeling of guilt. This has been my issue for so long ago, and it has always been the root cause of me and my mother's dispute. PRESSURE SUCKS.

Most of the time I found myself complaining. One time I even escaped. I know now, that a thousand whinings and grumblings won't help, even escape. I knew I was telling this to myself a couple of times before, trying to convince myself that I need to do self-less acts each day so my family will survive. I guess I failed a thousand times.

A couple of reminders from ate sally that struck me:
1. "Magpadala ka sa inyo lagi. Di bale nang wala kang maipon dito. Basta masaya/mayaman sila dun."
2. "Magtipid ka. Wag ka nang magsasama sa mga lakad niyo. Gastos lang yun.."

I realized that she's right. Hearing these from someone, who is proven to be self-less (her husband fell for her because of her uber care to her family in the Philippines) got me on my shoes. When you've got responsibilities, you've got to hold your fire, think twice before doing things you enjoy the most (in my case - shopping, going out, partying). Again, I do know these stuffs some years ago, yet I just always deny that my family's in financial mess.

Most friends say that I have to enjoy my stay here so I won't feel any sadness. Enjoying Japan, most of the time, requires money-spending. How can I enjoy my stay here after having these realizations.. WITH A SHATTERED HEART in tow? How can I stop thinking..? How can I get diversions? Oh, maybe I should opt for the cheaper (nah!).. FREE ones. Does it exist.. here? Haay. It really drives me crazy.

LOOKING ON THE BRIGHT SIDE, I am here. I have all the chance to make more money.. brothers will continue College. Everyone at home will be happy.. And I have a new MAC! Perhaps it could take the place of the best diversion. Hmm. Maybe I should change the name, maybe I should change it also to a 'HE'. AY. I think it's better to name it as a female.

Trouble is, will I make it.. Knowing my impulsive shopping self, and uncontrollable money-spending skills (that feeling of, "oh, where did my moolah go?")..? Will I be able to send money over at a fixed and highest possible value? Will I be able to save..? WILL I BE ABLE TO CHANGE..? Scares the hell out of me..

Anyway, KERIBELS ko to.

meet my new BABY

I couldn't open the sweetest thing yet. Probably tomorrow night.

By the way, the name's macy.

My sweet sweet MACY.

J to thah L-O!

H E L L O! H E L L O!

I have a new phone and it's soooo cheap.. But it's so perfect! 4600 yen (approx 2000php). A Softbank 201sh. Mine's white. More girly girly type.

Aside from my roaming, I need another one for my boys.. uhm.. errr… VOICE calls. My roaming phone doesn't support voice calls to and from biztown. So this new one will compensate my roaming's shortcomings. I will be needing a cell phone here anyway, so why hesitate?

Anyway, I'll be broadcasting my contact numbers to friendster and emails shortly. Text/Call me!!!! I need a friend! Hehehe.

4 tEas aNd 0 EmAiLs lateR.

(except for an admin email, though not very personal I'm glad I received one.)

It's the time of the "year" again, when I want to go out and go gimmick with friends, just to ease the difficult times.

4 sad things I realized just now:

1. I wasn't able to say goodbye nor attend a despedida of two of my makulit buddies here. Good thing for them, they're with their families now and are probably the happiest people on earth!
2. Another makulit nff is going home, thus, lunch and merienda times wouldn't be the same again. I feel excited for him though. He, too will be another happiest person on earth!
3. I am not sure if I would still see my best friends/colleagues at fujitsu when I come back. So, will I be the last one standing from my previous team?
4. Saan ako gigimik? Sino kasama ko? Anong gagawin ko? Nalulungkot na naman ako. I guess I have to deal with this every f*ckin' day.

But.. I am holding my tears. LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL. Let the thought of LIFE alone be my inspiration.

seLf-choRvaNesS

In search for the best feel-good experience for my mind (and heart), I happen to pass by an article by Cory Quirino in INQUIRER.net

I quote,

A line from a song says, “Love isn’t love till you give it away.”  How true.

Question is, how can you give love away if there is not enough love inside you to give away? In short, love yourself―better and better each day.

And when you have reached that level of satisfaction and confidence to say “I have so much of me to share with others,” then you are ready to give love away.

But until then, let us practice self-love by going through this checklist. See where you are and how much more you have to do to fulfill your commitment to yourself.

You've gotta check this out << The Vanity Checklist >>

"I’m getting better and better everyday."

I got this from a shoutout of one of my friends in friendster. Lately, I am trying to keep myself really busy at work. So I wouldn’t think of anything else but work work work. It’s what I’m doing right now, diversion.

However, it’s getting colder and colder everyday. This morning when I woke up, I felt my legs and feet shudder as I walk to the bathroom. When I got out, I thought that my long-sleeved blouse would be enough to stand the cold. I was so wrong coz I felt the sudden urge to go back to my room, daze the 3 floors, and get some coat. But it will take me some more minutes to do it (and I will be late), so I just charged, with my arms wrapped around me as I walk on by. So later at lunchtime (while the sun is up and shining brightly), I’ll be buying a new coat coz I might not handle the coldness later when I go home.  

I am not sure why the cold weather makes you think of sadness, gloom, loneliness (in spite of the efforts to avoid those kind of thoughts). Maybe it’s because of the feeling I had when I tried to walk without a coat this morning. I have to hug myself tightly to battle the cold. I guess these are the moments when hugging objects are often required. But they were too far, rather impossible.

I am hoping that I’ll tell this same shoutout to myself the soonest possible. 

Glorietta Blast: The Aftermath

Maybe it's just the weather. The season here in Japan now is very condusive for emo-galore.

As I walk home from the office, I could feel the coldness around. I thought about a husband's letter to his friends - about his wife, who happened to be one of the casualties of the recent Glorietta Blast. A colleague forwarded it to me. According to my friends here, the husband is an ex-fujitsu employee, a colleague's friend as well. This letter has been the subject of emails now: 

>Subject:    From Carlo Cruz
>
>Good day everyone,
>
>I wish I were writing under different circumstances.
>
>I would like to inform you that my wife Leslie Cruz
>was part of the casualties in the Glorietta 2 Mall
>bombing in Makati City, Philippines. She was supposed
>to have a minor out patient surgery at Makati Medical
>Center at 230pm.
>
>I had taken a leave from work to accompany her there.
>We dropped off our daughter, Amber, at my parents
>place in QC to babysit at around 10am. We then
>proceeded to Makati and was there at 1230pm. Since she
>had been fasting in preparation for her procedure, she
>wanted to move around and listen to some music while I
>grabbed a bite to eat. We parked at the basement of
>Park Square 2, and headed for the Glorietta 2
>entrance. We parted at the top of the escalator, she
>turned right towards Filbar's while I went left
>towards the restaurants. That was the last time I
>would see her.
>
>Around 120pm, she had called me so that we can meet at
>the Glorietta 2 exit just in time to make her
>appointment. As I made my way there from Glorietta 1
>through the connecting hallways, and was about to turn
>the corner, I heard 2 deep thumps and the shock-wave
>from the blast hit me. At that moment my heart dropped
>as I knew that the origin of the blast came from the
>same place where we were supposed to meet. I tried
>getting to where my wife was, but the dust was too
>much and it was as if I was staring at a white wall.
>
>I still tried to convince myself that she was able to
>make it out, and that after ringing her mobile without
>a response only meant that she dropped it in the
>confusion. After 6 hours of searching from Makati Med.
>to Ospital ng Makati, the blast site, and back again
>to MMC - with the help of all the people I could get
>hold of, that I was able to get confirmation in what
>the state of my wife was.
>
>My Dad and Uncle signaled me in from the ER of MMC. My
>Uncle (who's a doctor) asked me to describe Leslie's
>appearance to another group of doctors. I saw in the
>eyes of one that the description made sense. Instead
>of confirming it to me, they huddled together, then
>brought me to a small examination room. It was only
>through a digital camera that I was able to confirm
>(and deny) that she was indeed gone.
>
>I have so many regrets. I should have met her sooner.
>I should have ran instead of a brisk walk. I should
>have not chose to park where I did. I should have
>braved the dust and went in the blast site. I should
>have …
>
>Today's the 4th day. It is still terribly difficult to
>breathe, let alone wake up realizing that your source
>of strength, your best friend doesn't lie beside you
>on your bed. That my deepest worry is when Amber
>starts asking for her Mama.
>
>I am glad that Amber's too young to understand the
>loss and pain. In time I would like to tell her the
>details of how her mother died, but more importantly I
>would like to raise her as how her mother lived - a
>loving person, strong willed, decisive, caring, and
>nurturing. She has always cared for her family and
>friends, and sacrfied her career for being a full time
>mom and home maker.
>
>As with all couples we had our ups and downs - none of
>which I regret not going through. The sweet is never
>as sweet without the sour. For almost 4 years of
>marriage, we've finally hit our balance in life only
>to be taken away in an instant. I have no regrets
>about our marriage. She has loved me and Amber beyond
>her capacity. I will always love her.
>
>It is my first time to write to egroup as I've lurked
>and watched emails being sent to and fro. All I want
>now is that for each of the couples here is to cherish
>each moment that we spend with our loved ones. Pretty
>simple to say, very easy to take for granted.
>
>Thank you all for the prayers. I would still like to
>ask you to please include Leslie in them until her
>40th day so that the path to God's kingdom is well lit
>and she is no longer in the dark.
>
>Sincerely,
>
>Carlo Cruz
>

Nakakalungkot. "It is still terribly difficult to breathe, let alone wake up realizing that your source of strength, your best friend doesn't lie beside you on your bed… I have no regrets about our marriage. She has loved me and Amber beyond her capacity. I will always love her… All I want now is that for each of the couples here is to cherish each moment that we spend with our loved ones. Pretty simple to say, very easy to take for granted." 

They love each other so much. Why, on earth, are beautiful relationships have to end that way… Kahit di ko sila friend, kahit hindi ko sila nakilala, I'm praying for them. And I'm hoping that everything will fall into place.

Anyway, hindi ko na kukunin tong kantang to, or irerelate sa buhay ko. Para sa kanila to:

Forever - The Ambassadors

I may burn out like a candle. And i may pass away. I may fall just like a shooting star. My heart will stay. I'll be yours until forever. Forever i'll be true.. To the promise i have made From the day that i found you.

Forever you're in my heart. Even if we're apart.

I say forever i'll be yours. Forever i love you. I say forever i'll be yours. Forever i love you. My love will never fade away. Even if i die. And i will love you Until the end of time. Even without your smile. So hear me please. I beg you..

Dont walk away i need you. To stay with me and be By my side. Hold my hand And we'll work it out Until..

Forever i'll be yours. Forever i love you. I say forever i'll be yours. Forever i'll be true. My love will never fade away Even if i die.. And i will love you until The end of time Even without your smile. So hear me please. I beg you to stay..

One Light

This is for the people killed in the recent Glorietta Blast. May their Souls rest in Peace. And may God grant them and their families justice.

It never occured to me that this would happen at Glorietta. It's the most popular tambayan for Office people like us. I was shocked when I received the text about this from my mother. I was in the parlor then, you know, having my rebond. Due to the short time I had, I scheduled my Friday to be parlor and shopping day. Parlor early in the morning (like 7-12) - dun lang sa not soshal parlor sa kanto namin yun, tinext ng nanay ko yung may ari na mag parebond ako ng 7 (although sabi ko 8:30, napaexagg lang ng text nanay ko). Para tapos ako ng 12, tapos ayun, go na sa Glorietta to shop. Buti na lang, late ako nagising. 9:30 na ko nakarating sa parlor. So ayun, hanggang 2 ako dun sa parlor. Anyway, ayokong magmaganda dito. Nor sabihing this is my second life. Not yet I guess. I also thought about my friend Kel, who, like me, was also scheduled to shop since we had a very very tight week before we are scheduled to fly. Buti na lang din, wala dun ang bruha.

Sabi nga nila, pag time mo, time mo na. Pag hindi pa, gagawa ng paraan si God para hindi ka muna Niya kunin. Kaya Thank You God, for giving us more time… I'll just keep my prayers private muna.

As for the people behind this violence (I firmly believe it's NOT AN ACCIDENT), SCREW ALL OF YOU! I hope you will all feel the wrath and pain (including all the physical torture) brought about by your stupid project!

thE swEet escApe

One week to go… I'm heading to the greatest escape.. HOME!

I feel it would be very bitin. I listed all my activities (I had to!). And that week is now getting fully booked. Actually.. I'm kinda nervous too. I'll be signing off for a while. I'll be busy enjoying Pinas next week! Yipeeee!

[Gwen]
If I could escape I would but,
First of all, let me say
I must apologize for acting stank & treating you this way
Cause I've been acting like sour milk all on the floor
It's your fault you didn't shut the refrigerator
Maybe that's the reason I've been acting so cold?

[CHORUS]
If I could escape & recreate a place that's my own world
& I could be your favourite girl (forever), Perfectly together
Tell me boy now wouldn't that be sweet? (sweet escape)
If I could be sweet, I know I've been a real bad girl (I'll try to change)
I didn't mean for you to get hurt (whatsoever)
We can make it better, Tell me boy wouldn't that be sweet? (sweet escape)

[Akon]
I want to get away, to our sweet escape
I want to get away, yeah

[Gwen]
You held me down, I'm at my lowest boiling point
Come help me out, I need to get me out of this joint
Come on let's bounce, counting on you to turn me around
Instead of clowning around, let's look for some common ground
So baby, times get a little crazy
I've been gettin' a little lazy, waitin' on you to come save me
I can see that you're angry by the way that you treat me
Hopefully you don't leave me, wanna take you with me

[CHORUS]
If I could escape & recreate a place that's my own world
& I could be your favourite girl (forever), Perfectly together
& tell me boy now wouldn't that be sweet? (sweet escape)
If I could be sweet (sorry boy)
I know I've been a real bad girl (I'll try to change)
I didn't mean for you to get hurt (whatsoever)
We can make it better
& tell me boy now wouldn't that be sweet? (sweet escape)

Woohoo, Yeehoo
Woohoo, Yeehoo (If I could escape)
Woohoo, yeehoo (If I could escape)
Woohoo, Yeehoo

Cause I've been acting like sour milk all on the floor
It's your fault you didn't shut the refrigerator
Maybe that's the reason I've been acting so cold?

[CHORUS]
If I could escape & recreate a place that's my own world
& I could be your favourite girl (forever), Perfectly together
& tell me boy now wouldn't that be sweet? (sweet escape)
If I could be sweet (sorry boy)
I know I've been a real bad girl (I'll try to change)
I didn't mean for you to get hurt (whatsoever)
We can make it better
& tell me boy now wouldn't that be sweet? (sweet escape)

Woohoo, Yeehoo (I wanna get away, get away)
Woohoo, Yeehoo (To our sweet escape)
Woohoo, Yeehoo (I wanna get away)
Woohoo, Yeehoo (Yeah)
Woohoo, Yeehoo
Woohoo, Yeehoo

F!

Last week, I joined the FUJITSU Fitness Club.

They have this huge building composed of 3 floors, all with workout equipments. They also have courts, and a swimming pool in the first floor.

On my first night, I joined new gymmates jay ang glenn. Unfortunately for me, all they do is lift and lift weights. So I was forced to lift weights too! OOps. I forgot to mention, when they rest, they watch the cheerleading practice on the first floor (sshhh). What a men what a men!

That, was my highlight for that evening. I saw the real action. Real Cheerleaders in their practice! They cheer for the FUJITSU Frontiers, FUJITSU's football team. And that night, I was soo greeen with envy. Damn. I love their dance! And I bet I can also do it! Their projection, no problem as well! Waah. I wanna dance really.

Anyhow, good thing I got to be a member, at least I could use the sporty attires I brought. I brought almost all my uniforms - chess, basketball, volleyball, badminton, and even swimming (yeah i brought a swimsuit… swimsuits.. one piece and two pairs of bikinis hehehehe). Yeah, but most of them, nowadays, I just wear as pambahay clothes, or pantulog. That's why I got no other pambahay clothes but uniforms.

Yesterday, despite the coldness, I took a dip at their pool. Heheheh. 10++ laps of unknown swimming stroke. I was the only woman swimming there. And I look so amateur. Coz most of them are doing the freestyle, butterfly, breast stroke. OMG. I know swimming but it's not the swimming you see in the olympics. Hay. Actually, I am researching how tos here. Good luck for me! At least I don't have to settle for lifting weights. Next time I visit the fitness center, I'll be swimming. And who knows, I might end up cheerleading! GOoD LucK!

i wAnnA be A cheerLeader!!!

The FUJITSU Cheering Squad awaits! Tomorrow I'll be applying for membership in the FUJITSU gym. Shempre, somebody as powerful and as gym addict as the muscleman, convinced me. hehehe. He told me there's a cheering squad there, who constantly practices for the FUJITSU Football Team, (and he and glenn lurrrveees to watch these sexey ladies. poor mi ladies). And.. I WANT TO JOIN THE CHEERLEADERS. Sana pwede. Muscleman tells me, it's probably ok. My only problem would just be communication. Coz, I think, most of them do not speak english. HUHUHUHUHUHU…

I really wanna join. With all the crazy things going on around me, all I wanna do right now.. is…  DANCE!

photo courtesy of shinyai

tabEHodai paRt 2

Super thanks to Nila-San, who hosted a party at her place at Yokohama. Grabe sobrang saya. Paos na ko ngayon. (you guessed it right, videoke sessions). Hehehe. Sobrang kulit ng mga tao. At ang daming pagkain. Wait lang muna sa pics mga friends.

LoNg wEekEnd nA nAman!

For this long weekend:

Friday Night - Saturday Morning (ngayon): Inuman at Mike's place.

Sabado - Pear Picker's Perfume shopping. Then Ropongi for Mass. (hehehe. dapat ropongi talaga e!)

Sunday - Tabehodai (ulit) at Mam Nila's. That is so fabulous.

Monday - Uhhhm…? Tulog..? Laundry? Ahhh. Magluluto ulit ako!

uPdAteS! yiPee!

Finalley! After being shungaers for a long time, I now know how to upload pictures from flickr.

Some sabista party, as eric says. We had a "Tabehodai" fest at Mike's place. That was 3 saturdays ago I think, before the long weekend post down there.

 Nakakain ulit ako ng sisig! Mike and Michelle's (cute name combination, perfect couple hehehe) sisig was the best. It was no instant thing, they cooked it the hard way, as in making tadtad the pig's ear (sorry for the conyo-trying hard language thing). Very delicious. I love the pinoy sisig in Japan!

I brought MY guitar (I grabbed the guitar's ownership in the mean time). And sang for the crowd. totoy bibo ang dating ko. Hindi.. I just missed singing. It was actually eric, who played most songs so everyone could sing along. COz I forgot my chords. And besides, I am STILL learning guitar playing, and being separated from my dear donjon for 2 months(?), or any guitar (as you now, I got this guitar, no name yet, just recently), made me forgot some.

Anyway, more pics at THE photographer's site (ay. multiply site pala sha).

LoNg wEekEnds aLso hAppEn

Ropongi Saturday Nights

The club capital! One day I'm gonna go gimmick there! Rampage Galore!

Hehehe what a shame.. We went there just to attend an anticipated mass. The priest tells us, "why are there so many people at Ropongi? Why are the nights very flashy? What are these people looking for at Ropongi???" … And still I ended up DESIRING to go gimmick there. All I need is a gimmick partner. I want to wear the same flashy and sexy outfits. I wanna dance without drinking. I just wanna have fun. Haay. The party animal unleashes. 

Akihabara Sunday

And this, as the old elephants say, is the Techie Capital, where we'll find suppper cheap laptops and other gadget stuffs. There's a fujitsu laptop for 10000 yen only! (approx5000php). Oh dear. My techie expert friend says that that one was already ok, while talking about specs and all. And he bought that thing. Sabi nga ni another friend, "baka malula ka sa sobrang kamurahan ng mga laptop dun". And I was indeed. Oh, not to mention the cutie japanese "maids" there. Hahaha, malulula ka rin.

Nakahara Monday

Wala. Tulog the whole day.